I'm not sure, but I think Fiction Friday might be winding up.
***
Daphne breathed out deeply. Her advocate gave her an encouraging nod.
"Yes," she said finally. "I did do it."
The gravity of those words hit her with unexpected force. She expected a gnawing vortex to open, to swallow her whole. To swallow the whole room, perhaps the whole world. Nothing could ever be the same again. Nothing.
But that's all that happened: nothing.
There was silence.
Daphne thought it would never end.
"Why?" asked Detective Jones.
It was a simple word. A simple question. A punctuation to the silence.
Daphne stared at her advocate, hoping beyond hope he would crack a big smile and yell, "Surprise! It's all a big joke! This isn't really happening!"
But it was really happening.
She knew that. Nothing would change that.
She looked at her hands. She opened her mouth. She furrowed her brows. She closed her mouth.
How could she possible make them understand? How could they ever understand? Had they ever known that welling of anger? That spark of fury? That unstoppable torrent of feeling?
She didn't understand it. How could they? It had happened in another life, to another person.
She remembered the mechanics, but the emotion was unreal.
Why.
The question echoed in her mind.
Was there an answer? A real answer? She could say something. She could make something up. Give some simple story of anger or rage. Something they could understand.
But could she ever really tell them what it had been like? Those striking moments of life and death, darkness and light? Between the conception and the creation, between the emotion and the response.
Why?
There was no answer. Not really.
Why?
"I don't know," she said simply, a smile playing her lips.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Finding the Craic
About ten years ago, I was in the Middle of Nowhere, Japan at 2 in the morning waiting for the trains to start running again. I'd been taking local trains from Kyoto to Hiroshima - it's cheaper that way - and had ended up in some small town with a few hours to kill between the late night trains and the early morning trains.
As we walked into the crisp morning air, waiting to see what this sleepy town had to offer, my traveling companion took a deep breath and exclaimed, "I can't wait to discover the real Japan!"
I didn't really know what that meant.
We'd both been living in Hirakata-shi, Japan for about two and half months. I'd spent a lot of time in Kyoto, and a little time in Osaka. I'd taken classes in Aikido, gone to Japanese baths and Sumo games. I'd spent a weekend in Tokyo and had traveled to other well known sites.
I was far from an expert in all things Japanese, but I didn't think I was any more likely to find the "real" Japan having drinks with drunken businessmen at 3 am (as we ended up doing).
And what is the "real" anyplace, really?
I grew up in Oakland, CA and lived there for sixteen years. But I haven't lived there since I was sixteen. People ask me for things to do in Oakland and I'm like...um, visit the zoo? Or they ask me for directions, and and I'm like, look at the AC Transit map?
I honestly don't really know what people do for fun in Oakland, and I don't really know how to get from point A to point B. But I do know Oakland. I know it from my perspective. As a collection of memories and experiences. It's part of who I am and I can only see the city through my own eyes.
When my mother and grandmother visited Ireland together about 15 years ago, a local told them they needed to "find the craic." Pronounced "crack," the craic is a gaelic term for...where it's at.
The term is actually borrowed from the English "crack" (from Middle English crak) and means literally "loud conversation." It's use is somewhat controversial. "The craic" is a stereotypical representation of an Irish pub, simultaneously embraced for its Irish spirit and derided for being a stereotype...and a fake Gaelic word made up from the English.
So, it gets complicated.
When I visit a new place, I try hard to see my experience there as...my experience there. I will almost certainly never know the "real" wherever - if such a thing even exists.
All I can do is see and learn and think and experience.
Whatever I find is whatever I find.
As we walked into the crisp morning air, waiting to see what this sleepy town had to offer, my traveling companion took a deep breath and exclaimed, "I can't wait to discover the real Japan!"
I didn't really know what that meant.
We'd both been living in Hirakata-shi, Japan for about two and half months. I'd spent a lot of time in Kyoto, and a little time in Osaka. I'd taken classes in Aikido, gone to Japanese baths and Sumo games. I'd spent a weekend in Tokyo and had traveled to other well known sites.
I was far from an expert in all things Japanese, but I didn't think I was any more likely to find the "real" Japan having drinks with drunken businessmen at 3 am (as we ended up doing).
And what is the "real" anyplace, really?
I grew up in Oakland, CA and lived there for sixteen years. But I haven't lived there since I was sixteen. People ask me for things to do in Oakland and I'm like...um, visit the zoo? Or they ask me for directions, and and I'm like, look at the AC Transit map?
I honestly don't really know what people do for fun in Oakland, and I don't really know how to get from point A to point B. But I do know Oakland. I know it from my perspective. As a collection of memories and experiences. It's part of who I am and I can only see the city through my own eyes.
When my mother and grandmother visited Ireland together about 15 years ago, a local told them they needed to "find the craic." Pronounced "crack," the craic is a gaelic term for...where it's at.
The term is actually borrowed from the English "crack" (from Middle English crak) and means literally "loud conversation." It's use is somewhat controversial. "The craic" is a stereotypical representation of an Irish pub, simultaneously embraced for its Irish spirit and derided for being a stereotype...and a fake Gaelic word made up from the English.
So, it gets complicated.
When I visit a new place, I try hard to see my experience there as...my experience there. I will almost certainly never know the "real" wherever - if such a thing even exists.
All I can do is see and learn and think and experience.
Whatever I find is whatever I find.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
People and Products
A brand exists in the mind of the consumer, as my one of my graduate school professors told me repeatedly.
As a marketer, you can try to shape the brand, to control the images evoked when people think of your product. But at the end of the day, the "brand" is under customer control.
When you think of McDonald's, you may think of golden arches or you may think of trans fats. Both reactions are equally part of the brand.
A smart marketer needs to understand that.
Gone are the days when an advertisement could simply claim a product to be "the sedative for all coughs," and folks would run right out and buy it.
Marketing today is all about two-way communication, customer interaction, and understanding consumer perspectives.
A skeptic would say it's all about understanding consumer behavior solely for the purpose of manipulating consumer behavior. The true believers would say that understanding consumer behavior results in better companies and better products - products designed around true customer needs.
After a conversation with some colleagues, I started thinking about this in terms of another trend - the product-ization of people.
That same professor used to yell adamantly that "people are not brands!" But despite his protestations our society continually and increasingly treats people as brands. Barack Obama is a brand.
And there may be value in using the best thinking of the marketing world in running a political campaign, but there is certainly risk in it as well.
We live in a world where corporations are people and where people are products.Where politicians and celebrities can be bought and sold and cast aside when something newer comes along.
And it's not just these big name brands/people who are turned into products. In many ways, all of us are.
Gone are the days when the average Josephina would work for one company all her days. Many people are always shopping for new jobs and many companies are always shopping for new people.
Presidential elections are all about Get Out the Vote. They're not really about discussing issues or weighing pros and cons. They're about media buys and outspending the competition.
And while money is demonstrably not the sole deciding factor in elections (thanks, Ross Perot, for the data point), it has a big enough impact to be disconcerting. It may be simplistic to say that politicians buy votes, but the metaphor is apt.
And what is lost in all of this?
Individual development.
When your computer breaks, you buy a new one. You don't just update the OS every couple of years, maybe add some more RAM now and then. Nope. It's a whole new machine. Out with the old and in with the new.
That consuming and discarding behavior in the corporate world certainly has important implications for economic and environmental stability. But as people become products, it has, I think, important implications for how individuals are developed and nurtured over time.
That's not to say our society is all about disposable people. Many well-resourced organizations take professional development very seriously and see the value in developing the skills and capacities of their existing employees. In another realm, Positive Youth Development, is a whole field about how to better support the development of young people.
But these are examples. They are stories of those who take development seriously. It's not nearly the norm.
So today I wonder what it would look like if everything in our society - if every system and institution - was structured in such as a way as to prioritize the positive development of individuals?
As a marketer, you can try to shape the brand, to control the images evoked when people think of your product. But at the end of the day, the "brand" is under customer control.
When you think of McDonald's, you may think of golden arches or you may think of trans fats. Both reactions are equally part of the brand.
Gone are the days when an advertisement could simply claim a product to be "the sedative for all coughs," and folks would run right out and buy it.
Marketing today is all about two-way communication, customer interaction, and understanding consumer perspectives.
A skeptic would say it's all about understanding consumer behavior solely for the purpose of manipulating consumer behavior. The true believers would say that understanding consumer behavior results in better companies and better products - products designed around true customer needs.
After a conversation with some colleagues, I started thinking about this in terms of another trend - the product-ization of people.
That same professor used to yell adamantly that "people are not brands!" But despite his protestations our society continually and increasingly treats people as brands. Barack Obama is a brand.
And there may be value in using the best thinking of the marketing world in running a political campaign, but there is certainly risk in it as well.
We live in a world where corporations are people and where people are products.Where politicians and celebrities can be bought and sold and cast aside when something newer comes along.
And it's not just these big name brands/people who are turned into products. In many ways, all of us are.
Gone are the days when the average Josephina would work for one company all her days. Many people are always shopping for new jobs and many companies are always shopping for new people.
Presidential elections are all about Get Out the Vote. They're not really about discussing issues or weighing pros and cons. They're about media buys and outspending the competition.
And while money is demonstrably not the sole deciding factor in elections (thanks, Ross Perot, for the data point), it has a big enough impact to be disconcerting. It may be simplistic to say that politicians buy votes, but the metaphor is apt.
And what is lost in all of this?
Individual development.
When your computer breaks, you buy a new one. You don't just update the OS every couple of years, maybe add some more RAM now and then. Nope. It's a whole new machine. Out with the old and in with the new.
That consuming and discarding behavior in the corporate world certainly has important implications for economic and environmental stability. But as people become products, it has, I think, important implications for how individuals are developed and nurtured over time.
That's not to say our society is all about disposable people. Many well-resourced organizations take professional development very seriously and see the value in developing the skills and capacities of their existing employees. In another realm, Positive Youth Development, is a whole field about how to better support the development of young people.
But these are examples. They are stories of those who take development seriously. It's not nearly the norm.
So today I wonder what it would look like if everything in our society - if every system and institution - was structured in such as a way as to prioritize the positive development of individuals?
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
12.6 million under 30
"A tally of the brightest stars in 15 different fields under the age of 30. These founders and funders, brand builders and do-gooders aren't waiting for a proper bump up the career ladder. Their goals are way bigger -- and perfectly suited to the dynamic, entrepreneurial, and impatient digital world they grew up in."
Ugh. My initial reaction to reading this is less than favorable.
My second reaction is to feel a little badly about myself 'cause I guess I'm just jealous of these kids and their success. I shouldn't begrudge them that.
Then I look at all their happy, airbrushed faces and I get annoyed all over again.
Maybe that does make me a terrible person.
Maybe I should have done more with my life.
But I take that back. I have done what I can with my life.
And I don't mean to pick on just Forbes. There are myrad of similar lists this post could just as easily be about.
One aspect that annoys me is the glorification of possibly (probably?) unsustainable approaches. I don't know if the founders of MySpace or LiveJournal would have ever made the list, but I certainly am not impressed by those people now. And let's not even talk about Friendster.
And part of that comes from the reality of the business world. "You stay still and you die," as one of my graduate school professors used to say.
But I think you can have innovation, and healthy competition, without needing to constantly destroy the old and build the new.
I'd like to see a list of "30 under 30 who are living in their parent's basement because they've poured all their money into start-ups that haven't panned out, but they have a new idea and they really think it's going to work this time."
Or may be instead a list of "30 under 30 who have slogged through the life of maintaining a business or organization, dealt with the minutiae of keeping something up and running, and figured out how to keep something fresh and relevant even though it's been around for awhile and just isn't that sexy any more."
Or better yet, a list of "Some number under 30 who have worked together to come up with and implement some really good ideas, but it's a little hard to tell who to give the credit to because the sum is greater than the individuals and the magic was really in the collaboration between their disparate view points."
And that's another thing that annoys me about this. It's said that the U.S. is an individualistic culture, but do we really need to idolize people so?
It's as if those individuals gracing the pages of Forbes have some unnatural, superhuman, characteristics that the rest of us could never hope to emulate. Though, of course, we should try to emulate them.
I think this list is supposed to make me feel badly about myself. Unless, of course, I was on the list when I was younger.
But frankly, I would probably feel worse about myself if I was on this list. I mean, really. I don't want to be that person with my face all over things, taking all the credit for things that are almost invariably not mine alone.
I don't want to be the front man. And I don't want to be a millionaire.
And that's not a deficit.
Finally, opportunities are so unequally distributed. People of certain wealth and class invariably have more opportunity to be "successful" in these ways.
A few folks come from below the expected social strata, so they get a special pat on the head with the gleeful chirp of, "isn't it just great that someone like that was able to do this?"
Yeah, it's just great. Too bad about all the other folks who are still screwed over by structural inequity. No use worry about them.
I'm all down for celebrating successes. And I'm not some bright-eyed doe who thinks everyone should get a prize just for showing up.
I'm just saying...this vision of "success" isn't all there is.
Forbes can celebrate who they want, but as a society, let's be sure we celebrate more.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Goodbye, Blue Monday
Today, apparently, is the most depressing day of the year.
Word is, a complex analysis of social media posts, divorce rates, and weather conditions pinpoint today as the day. The most depressing day.
"Researchers analysed more than 2 million tweets...they found that today, there will be nearly five times the average number of tweets relating to guilt, as people abandon their promises to pursue a healthier lifestyle." And "complaints about the weather will be six times higher than usual."
Of course, Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge, adds that "the whole concept is considered pseudoscience,with its formula derided by scientists as nonsense."
But that's neither here nor there. "The Most Depressing Day of the Year" sounds very exciting, and you can't go wrong with a catchy name like Blue Monday.
So, it's been all over the news.
But here's the thing. Depression isn't something that you just turn on or off. And it's not nearly the same as feeling a little grumpy over the weather.
Ongoing depression and intermittent (seasonal) depression are real things which effect real people in real ways, it's not a cutesy gimmick to be trotted out to say, "Aw, jeez, doesn't this weather suck?"
Well, given the coverage I've seen of this topic, apparently it is a cutesy gimmick to be trotted out...but the point is that it shouldn't be.
According to the CDC, an estimated 1 in 10 American adults report depression, and their Twitter statuses are not the source of that information.
In fact, given the real stigma around mental health, most of those people suffering from depression are probably not broadcasting it to the world via social media.
Many of them probably aren't talking about it at all.
And far from suffering all their depression on one Blue Monday a year, many of them have depression for long, extended periods of time. Not a fun little, "this weather sucks," sadness, but a real, soul-crushing, hole of gaping nothingness, depression.
So, when I hear "The Most Depressing Day of the Year," this is what I imagine:
So it goes.
Word is, a complex analysis of social media posts, divorce rates, and weather conditions pinpoint today as the day. The most depressing day.
"Researchers analysed more than 2 million tweets...they found that today, there will be nearly five times the average number of tweets relating to guilt, as people abandon their promises to pursue a healthier lifestyle." And "complaints about the weather will be six times higher than usual."
Of course, Wikipedia, the source of all knowledge, adds that "the whole concept is considered pseudoscience,with its formula derided by scientists as nonsense."
But that's neither here nor there. "The Most Depressing Day of the Year" sounds very exciting, and you can't go wrong with a catchy name like Blue Monday.
So, it's been all over the news.
But here's the thing. Depression isn't something that you just turn on or off. And it's not nearly the same as feeling a little grumpy over the weather.
Ongoing depression and intermittent (seasonal) depression are real things which effect real people in real ways, it's not a cutesy gimmick to be trotted out to say, "Aw, jeez, doesn't this weather suck?"
Well, given the coverage I've seen of this topic, apparently it is a cutesy gimmick to be trotted out...but the point is that it shouldn't be.
According to the CDC, an estimated 1 in 10 American adults report depression, and their Twitter statuses are not the source of that information.
In fact, given the real stigma around mental health, most of those people suffering from depression are probably not broadcasting it to the world via social media.
Many of them probably aren't talking about it at all.
And far from suffering all their depression on one Blue Monday a year, many of them have depression for long, extended periods of time. Not a fun little, "this weather sucks," sadness, but a real, soul-crushing, hole of gaping nothingness, depression.
So, when I hear "The Most Depressing Day of the Year," this is what I imagine:
Friday, January 3, 2014
Fiction Friday: The Memorial
Fiction Friday is back!
***
"Thank you," Jaden mumbled as he greeted another relative, neighbor or friend.
He knew them all, but today the faces were a blur. The conversations a fog. He said the same words over and over, but...it was as if he were far away. As though someone else spoke for him while he hid under the blankets. But every conversation brought him a little closer to the truth.
Someone brought him food. Was he hungry? He didn't know.
"Your brother was..." a caller choked up, "a truly remarkable young man. I'm so sorry for your loss."
They stood in silence a moment.
"Sure did know how to cause trouble, though. Heh, I remember this one time..." the visitor launched into a somewhat scandalous tale of a particularly raucous Friday night.
That was the brother Jaden remembered. "Truly remarkable," sure, the man was brilliant, but "troublemaker"...that was more his style. And, no doubt, he thought, how Mitch would want to be remembered.
Jaden couldn't help but laugh, tears in his eyes.
For a moment he felt okay. And that was okay. This was his time to feel however he felt.
"Thank you," Jaden mumbled before greeting the next guest. "Thank you."
***
"Thank you," Jaden mumbled as he greeted another relative, neighbor or friend.
He knew them all, but today the faces were a blur. The conversations a fog. He said the same words over and over, but...it was as if he were far away. As though someone else spoke for him while he hid under the blankets. But every conversation brought him a little closer to the truth.
Someone brought him food. Was he hungry? He didn't know.
"Your brother was..." a caller choked up, "a truly remarkable young man. I'm so sorry for your loss."
They stood in silence a moment.
"Sure did know how to cause trouble, though. Heh, I remember this one time..." the visitor launched into a somewhat scandalous tale of a particularly raucous Friday night.
That was the brother Jaden remembered. "Truly remarkable," sure, the man was brilliant, but "troublemaker"...that was more his style. And, no doubt, he thought, how Mitch would want to be remembered.
Jaden couldn't help but laugh, tears in his eyes.
For a moment he felt okay. And that was okay. This was his time to feel however he felt.
"Thank you," Jaden mumbled before greeting the next guest. "Thank you."
Thursday, January 2, 2014
No more resolutions
About 15 years ago I told myself I would never make a new year's resolution and I haven't made one since.
That's not to say I haven't changed things in my life. I've studied new subjects, re-evaluated my priorities, and given myself little challenges - such as to always make small talk in an elevator. (It's good practice!).
But I generally make these changes when the time feels right to me. Not because some calendar - or society - says it's time to solve all my life problems in a single stroke.
New years resolutions are the motherload of Shoulds. And Shoulds, I've found, can be toxic.
You probably know what I'm talking about. Shoulds are that moment when you're lying on the couch resting and just as you're about to relax you think to yourself, "Ah, I really should...[fill in the blank.]."
A Should can take any form.
Sometimes it's a common household chore - I should wash the dishes. Sometimes it's about theoretical self-improvement - I should go to the gym or I should read that scholarly article. Sometimes it's the people in life you've been neglecting - I should get to together with my friends. And sometimes it's an intellectual reaction to an emotional response - I should feel happy.
And maybe Shoulds aren't such a bad thing. They help us take on those tasks we really don't want to do, but really want done. They can bring a motivating energy and empower us to take on challenges we'd rather not have to face. Shoulds can be good.
The danger comes right after the Should.
It's not so much that you should do whatever, but the ultimate, undeniable conclusion that if you don't do what you should do you are clearly a terrible, horrible person of little to no worth.
Sounds like a jump when I put it like that, but many people make that leap all the time.
I know I do.
Shoulding myself, I call it.
So instead of making that jump in logic, when I should myself I try to treat it as flag on the play. A moment to step back, think something might be wrong, and to really evaluate what I am demanding of myself.
Some Shoulds help us become better people, or help us become the people we want to be - I should do that because that will ultimately add value to my life.
But many of the Shoulds we impose upon ourselves are nothing more than a manifestation of over idealized goals - driven more by society than by our own sense of self-improvement.
These are the ones that kill us.
The myth goes that there are certain things well-functioning, successful adults do continuously and perfectly, and if we ever hope to maintain any sort of illusion of being a well-functioning and successful adult, we should do those things continuously and perfectly too.
But we don't really want to do them. So we don't. Therefore proving that we must not be a well-functioning and successful adult. QED.
Now, I don't want to judge what works for other people. But I can say for sure that Shoulding doesn't work for me.
To be honest, I still Should myself all time. But I'll forgive me my trespasses.
And with all the talk of new years resolutions hot on the pages of every magazine and screen, January is a perfect time to take a deep breath and remind myself.
I should do only those things I genuinely want to do.
I should be me.
That's not to say I haven't changed things in my life. I've studied new subjects, re-evaluated my priorities, and given myself little challenges - such as to always make small talk in an elevator. (It's good practice!).
But I generally make these changes when the time feels right to me. Not because some calendar - or society - says it's time to solve all my life problems in a single stroke.
New years resolutions are the motherload of Shoulds. And Shoulds, I've found, can be toxic.
You probably know what I'm talking about. Shoulds are that moment when you're lying on the couch resting and just as you're about to relax you think to yourself, "Ah, I really should...[fill in the blank.]."
A Should can take any form.
Sometimes it's a common household chore - I should wash the dishes. Sometimes it's about theoretical self-improvement - I should go to the gym or I should read that scholarly article. Sometimes it's the people in life you've been neglecting - I should get to together with my friends. And sometimes it's an intellectual reaction to an emotional response - I should feel happy.
And maybe Shoulds aren't such a bad thing. They help us take on those tasks we really don't want to do, but really want done. They can bring a motivating energy and empower us to take on challenges we'd rather not have to face. Shoulds can be good.
The danger comes right after the Should.
It's not so much that you should do whatever, but the ultimate, undeniable conclusion that if you don't do what you should do you are clearly a terrible, horrible person of little to no worth.
Sounds like a jump when I put it like that, but many people make that leap all the time.
I know I do.
Shoulding myself, I call it.
So instead of making that jump in logic, when I should myself I try to treat it as flag on the play. A moment to step back, think something might be wrong, and to really evaluate what I am demanding of myself.
Some Shoulds help us become better people, or help us become the people we want to be - I should do that because that will ultimately add value to my life.
But many of the Shoulds we impose upon ourselves are nothing more than a manifestation of over idealized goals - driven more by society than by our own sense of self-improvement.
These are the ones that kill us.
The myth goes that there are certain things well-functioning, successful adults do continuously and perfectly, and if we ever hope to maintain any sort of illusion of being a well-functioning and successful adult, we should do those things continuously and perfectly too.
But we don't really want to do them. So we don't. Therefore proving that we must not be a well-functioning and successful adult. QED.
Now, I don't want to judge what works for other people. But I can say for sure that Shoulding doesn't work for me.
To be honest, I still Should myself all time. But I'll forgive me my trespasses.
And with all the talk of new years resolutions hot on the pages of every magazine and screen, January is a perfect time to take a deep breath and remind myself.
I should do only those things I genuinely want to do.
I should be me.
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